The Hidden Heart of Offense

The Hidden Heart of Offense

I Remember You

Recently, I came across a couple of videos online that grieved my spirit. But what troubled me even more was how familiar the content felt—not just what was said, but the spirit behind it. It wasn’t new. I had seen it before. I had felt it before. And if I’m being honest, I had even agreed with it before.

What I witnessed wasn’t just angry commentary or harsh opinions. It was offense—hidden, dressed up in discernment, cloaked in “truth-telling,” but fueled by wounds that hadn’t been healed. What I was seeing… was me, at one point. The old me. The offended me.

Offense Feels Justified—But It’s Poison

Offense often comes in like a silent thief. It starts with a wound: a betrayal, a harsh word, an injustice, or even a simple misunderstanding. But instead of taking it to Jesus, we let it fester. We rehearse it. We replay it. Eventually, it becomes a filter through which we see people (even other Believers), leadership, coworkers, and even God. The danger is that offense often feels justified. It disguises itself in spiritual language: “I’m just speaking my truth.” “I’m warning others.” “I’m standing up for righteousness.” “Here's my proof, my evidence that I'm right.” But when offense speaks, it doesn’t bring healing. It brings division, suspicion, and spiritual pride.

“A brother offended is harder to be won over than a strong city, and [their] contentions separate them like the bars of a castle.”— Proverbs 18:19 (AMPC)

The Subtle Idolatry of Being Right

I know this intimately. What makes offense so hard to detect is that it disguises itself as rightness. We think we’re defending God, truth, or justice—but deep down, we’re defending our pain. We’re guarding our pride. We’re worshipping the feeling of being “in the know” or “not like them.”

Offense creates a counterfeit altar—one where we lay down our hurts, not to be healed, but to be justified. And that’s not freedom. That’s bondage.

What Offense Cost Me

There was a time I couldn’t tolerate persecution nor correction without retaliating. I viewed it all through the lens of past wounds. I allowed anger to simmer and even withdrew from loved ones. I rehearsed private conversations in my head on how to "put people in their place." And the saddest part? I thought I was spiritually mature. I thought building walls to keep people out would somehow protect me from future persecution. But it didn't. I assumed motives, which really don't matter when you're being persecuted. Motives do matter when being corrected as correction, when done right, always come from a place of trying to maintain the relationship.

There was a time, in fact more recently, where the Lord had to shine a light on the hidden heart of offense in me. It was hidden so deep in my heart that when I attempted to pray to God to ask Him to show me where I may be holding onto offense, the actual word would not register in my brain. For days, I had to ask the Holy Spirit to remind me of the word "offense", because my heart was blinded by pride, which is why it's important that we continuously pray against spiritual blindness and spiritual deafness (reference Matthew 13:9-14).

“Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand.”— Matthew 13:13 (KJV)

I felt I had every right to do what normal people do. However, there are things that are right and normal, but God asks us not to do them because at times a simple act can place a stumbling block of offense not only in us, but in others as well. As a result, we will need to deal with causing others to stumble or sin.

“Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.”— 1 Corinthians 8:9 (NIV)

For instance, last week, I came home with both hands filled with bags of groceries and decided to use my key fob to lock my car doors and close the trunk, which causes my car horn to beep. No big deal, right? Wrong. There is a couple in my neighborhood who beep their car horns at me every time I'm outside to show their disapproval of me. They beep their car horns and even set off their car alarms multiple times if they see me turn on/off lights on my porch, in my house, after family leaves, etc. They are consumed with my every move and most times I don't even notice them.

But this day, after using my key fob and I entered my house, the neighbor began beeping his car horn in retaliation. Why? Because my car horn beeped when I locked my car, which triggered a reaction in them. I failed to remind myself that they are the weaker vessels, as the scripture above states.

The Reward of Obeying God

Yes, I have a right to use my key fob. But, I sensed the Holy Spirit telling me not to use it before I did it. I could have easily locked my car door by pressing the button with one finger on the outside of my door handle. I intentionally partnered with offense because at the onset, I knew they'd be offended after my car horn beeped. Yes, it's utterly ridiculous that the neighbors beep at me all the time. However, it also shows the amount of fear the neighbors have, because fear attempts to intimidate others and disguises itself as being powerful. I never want to partner with fear, because when I do, it's an invitation to partner with satan.

I'm glad the Holy Spirit allowed me to do the heart check because it makes me more aware of the trap of offense. And in His mercy, He showed me that my discernment of being "right" was distorted by a hidden heart of offense. I repented. I repented because I desire to always choose to obey God and not cause others to sin. I repented because it reminds me that I'm still the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus...but, I was behaving as if I wasn't. I repented because God instantly forgave me, which allowed me to release the offense and forgive myself. I don't want to carry around offense like the weak. The weight of the guilt that comes along with it is too heavy for me to bear.

Healing Begins with Humility

If any of this sounds familiar, I want you to know—freedom is possible. Healing starts when we stop defending our pain and start surrendering it.

Forgive even when they don’t say sorry. Forgive even when you’re right. Forgive especially when it hurts.

“And blessed is the one who is not offended by me.”— Matthew 11:6

Lay It Down

Jesus wasn’t offended by betrayal. He wasn’t offended by mockery, injustice, or denial. And He wasn’t offended by you or me.

Jesus trusted the Father to be His defender. So should we. Jesus never defended Himself and He didn't invite His disciples along to defend Him either.

His heart remained pure because He stayed surrendered.

You can, too.

Lay down your offense by repenting and surrendering it to God—not because they deserve grace, but because you deserve freedom.